Hidden, but not gone
by wolf of infinity
Summary: “You try walking around, getting stared at and whispered about all the time, and see if you don’t feel like you have to hide!” After an unsuccesful trainingsession, Shino finds himself pushed over the edge by Kiba... No pairings, simply friendship.


**Hello, people! This is a non-pairing, simply friendship-story. ****A bit angsty, and a bit sweet, I believe ^.^ Shino's been one of my favourite Naruto-characters all the time, but then again… I tend to fall for the weird ones ^.^**

**Hope you enjoy the story!**

**~*~**

It was always like this. I could feel the lady behind the counter's nervous glances at me as I paid for the things I'd bought and quickly left the small shop. Her eyes burnt on my back until I was out of the door.

It felt like the scorching sun had a wish to torture me, more than the slightly nervous looks I got as I walked down the street. My heavy clothing made it almost unbearable. _Almost._

My eyes moved across the street where the other citizens of Konoha walked around, laughing, chatting, having a good time. I saw Sakura and that black-haired boy, Sai, by a small table outside a café. It seemed he was trying to show her something on a paper. They were smiling.

The mood was peaceful. Happy. And when I passed by… strange glances were sent my way. Uncertain eyes took in the green outer jacket I wore on top of the black inner-jacket; clothes that hid my skin from view, concealed my body, just how I preferred it.

I could see them looking at the glasses, hiding my eyes, as though they thought I couldn't see them. Just because they couldn't look me in the eye, didn't mean I couldn't read every emotion flickering through theirs as they looked away, scrambled past me and continued with their happy stroll.

No one stopped to say 'hi'. No one smiled at me, though I was fairly sure they knew who I was. Maybe it was just because of that; the fact that they knew who I was.

The creepy kid.

The bug-user.

Freak.

Disgusting.

Shino Aburame.

Yes, I was fully aware of what they said behind my back. I had heard the others back when we were at the academy. They knew who I was, probably been told by their parents. I could picture it… 'Be careful, he uses bugs, those Aburames are such freaks…'

My father always told me to ignore them, it didn't matter what people thought or said about us. I remember how I used to come home, run straight to my room and burry myself under the covers, crying myself to sleep.

Sad. Frustrated. Angry, even.

Lonely…

It had grown better, as the years passed, I built up several layers of ice around my heart, a shield. I stopped crying, told myself that it didn't matter. Convinced myself that I was all right, that I didn't care what they said.

I put on a mask of indifference, hid myself in all ways I could. I used heavy clothing, covering my body and giving me an intimidating, strong look. It hid the fact that my body was growing thinner, because of the stress and loneliness that hindered my appetite.

The high collar hid the small, tiny flickers of a smile that would cross my lips from time to time. It hid the way I tended to chew on my bottom lip when I was nervous and felt uncomfortable.

The glasses shielded my eyes, the eyes that watched everyone around me, almost hoping to see a smile. Hoping to see eyes that weren't repelled by me. They hid the pain that would cloud them when none of those could be seen…

My feet made no sound as I moved down the street, hands in my pockets. To others, I looked indifferent. Emotionless. Unbreakable.

Hah, what a joke…

It felt like my life was constantly spiralling downwards. Of course, I would never hit rock bottom, I had several things preventing me from even considering taking 'the easy way out'.

Regardless of the bad memories, there would always be some good ones mixed in, like the ones from missions with my teams.

No matter how lonely it felt, I considered myself lucky to even be on talking-basis with my teammates. Ever since I was young, the way people looked at me and talked about me, had left me with a feeling of being inadequate compared to others; unworthy of their attention and kindness.

My team was the first place I had ever started to feel accepted. But no matter how much Hinata smiled shyly at me, and no matter how much Kiba told me my techniques were cool and all that, there was always the little voice inside my head, whispering the words I feared more than anything.

I was terrified that it was all just a joke. That I was just someone they felt sorry for, someone they pitied enough to be nice to. Kiba's jokes did not exactly help. He didn't realize it, but sometimes he went far over the line, leaving me with a sick feeling in my chest, as though someone had cut through the eyes and torn a hole in my already trembling heart.

The others were all polite, even though I could see the way they eyed me carefully, as though I would turn into a bug myself at any given moment. Naruto was the only one who never bothered with the careful, uncomfortable kindness. He was sincere, honest. He grimaced, told me straight out that I creeped him out and that he didn't understand me.

Well… he never tried… No one did. No one seemed to even consider the fact that I was a human. That I wasn't an unfeeling robot, just because they couldn't see my expression. No one bothered looking close enough to read my body language, or ask how I felt.

Not even my teammates, the ones I called friends, despite the doubts I had that the feeling was mutual.

The insecurity was driving me insane. Lately it had been extra bad. I hadn't slept well, for starters. I was stressed and tense almost all the time. I hardly managed to eat anything without feeling nauseous.

I just couldn't seem to relax; it was as though my thoughts had started swirling around, worse than my bugs already did. It made my bugs restless, and they took up much more chakra when they were restless. It was a defence mechanism, to them; when I was getting stressed and restless, it was their way to try to calm me down; they consumed more chakra, leaving me tired and with an annoying headache on top of everything.

Taking of from the street as I reached the out coast of town, I headed through the forest to the training field, to meet up with my team. Sure, we were chuunin now, but our techniques worked well together, and we still used this fact to our benefit, training our skills together.

This was hardly the right day for training, I had hardly slept that night, and was both tired and in a bad mood. Not that all this showed on the outside, except if one looked close enough to see the paler shade my skin had turned lately. No one ever did.

"Good morning, Shino," Hinata smiled as I reached the training field.

"Good morning," I replied calmly, my voice soft and quiet as it always was. My eyes drifted to Kiba who looked exceptionally serious. He didn't seem to be in a very good mood, and I inwardly sighed. He could be rather unpleasant when he was in a bad mood.

Akamaru glanced at him and I could see the way the large, white dog seemed to hesitate a bit around Kiba today, undoubtedly feeling the heavy mood hanging over the clearing. It didn't take long before we got tired of the heavy silence and started training to get our mind on something else.

It was soon clear, however, that it wasn't just the wrong day for me to be training. Kiba's rash and annoyed mood caused him to falter and move much more abruptly and obviously than usual, hindering his techniques. Akamaru tried to keep up, but it wasn't easy for the dog. Hinata was affected by his mood too and got nervous, alas, hindering her own movements.

As for me, I felt just worse by the second. The pressing tension of the situation didn't help on my already tense mood, and Kiba's seemingly pointless actions started to annoy me.

Doing an abrupt turn in his movements, Kiba startled Hinata who in turn faltered in her attack on me, and instead of momentarily pausing me, she used more chakra than she intended and hit my chest in stead of my shoulder, sending a wave of pain throughout my body as I stumbled back and nearly fell, only barely catching my balance after the surprise and pain of the attack.

"Oh no, S-Shino, I'm so sorry, a-are you all right?!" she asked with a gasp, quickly coming over to me, looking guilty, shocked and angry with herself because she had hurt me.

"I'm… fine," I replied after catching my breath, trying to ignore the seering sensation in my chest, still lingering after her attack. It hadn't done any great damage, luckily, but it was still too close for my liking.

Kiba landed next to her and glanced at me, looking like he wasn't sure what to say. He obviously chose to take the situation with irritation, his bad mood making the usual, thin barrier blocking words from streaming out on their own, even thinner.

"You should have been able to block that one," he said with a nonchalant shrug. Hinata looked at him with uncertainty and surprise.

"I should," I replied evenly, even though, inside, I was growling. Like it was my fault that he surprised the usually steady Hinata, so that she accidentally hurt me.

"Seriously, what's got into you today? Do you think you'd hold a chance against any enemies the way you fight?!" Kiba growled. I felt annoyed now. His bad mood was inflicting on his arrogance even more, and he just couldn't see that _he_ held much of the blame.

"S-sorry, Kiba, but…" Hinata began, but stopped, lavender eyes flickering nervously to the ground.

"but…? Go on, what were you going to say?" he demanded gruffly, eyes narrowing. She glanced up, swallowed and then at me. I could feel the nervousness she felt, and I could understand it. Talking to Kiba when he was like this, was rarely of any use.

"You make her nervous, Kiba," I stated matter-of-factly when Hinata made no move to say any more. His sharp, dark eyes turned to me.

"_I_ make her nervous?! I'm just trying to train here, but obviously, it's no point even trying! I swear, I've never seen you as bad as today!"

What? _I _was bad?!

I felt the familiar stab of uncertainty, but at the same time, a different, stronger feeling was building up. Anger. Kiba's mood had affected us all, and the fool didn't even notice. In stead, his stupid pride and arrogance blinded him, and caused him to immediately toss the blame on someone else.

"Your movements have been unpredictable and distracting," I said, and I could tell Hinata noticed the slightly colder tone my voice had taken now. Kiba, however, was oblivious.

"Oh, really now, so it's all my fault?!" he sneered. "Well, I'm sorry if my training style hinders you, I really thought you were stronger than that, but maybe you just think you're so much better than the rest of us?!"

It had been a long time since I had seen Kiba this piped up and angry, he was completely blinded from logic at this point. I knew he didn't mean what he said, but I couldn't help that I was getting angry too.

"Kiba, S-Shino's right, you s-seem out of it…" Hinata piped in, meekly and nervously.

"You're taking his side?!" Kiba growled, and I noticed the way she shrunk under his gaze.

"Kiba, no one's taking sides, we're simply stating the truth," I cut in before he could make her even more nervous.

"Really?! It seems to me like you just want an excuse for training going badly! It never struck you that maybe you're the one who's hindering the training, huh? You're always so arrogant and acts like you're better than us at everything!"

That one hurt… I never thought I was better than anyone else, it was more the other way around; I though I was the one who wasn't good enough…

"You're wrong…" He didn't seem to hear me, at least he didn't listen.

"You always act like you know best! Honestly, it's no wonder you have so few friends, like anyone would want to hang out with an arrogant, freakish guy with bugs inside his body!"

I felt myself frozen to the spot. His words tore through the ice and I felt a painful stab in my heart. I tried telling myself that he was deluded with anger, that he didn't realize just how hurtful those words were. Still, the anger seemed to raise and boil inside me too.

"You're right, maybe I am just a freak, but never, not _once_ have I ever looked down on anyone else!" I said, and my voice was louder than it used to be. I could see Hinata looking at me with worry and surprise. Kiba sneered.

"How the hell are we supposed to know, you always wear all those clothes and the shades, hiding away, as though we're not even worth seeing you! It makes me sick!"

I was shocked. That's what he thought…? That I hid away because I felt I was worth _more_ than others…?

"You're logic is ridiculous!" I found myself growling. My mask was slipping now, I felt an burning, cold anger force it's way forward.

"Oh yeah? You know what I think is ridiculous?! You!" he sneered back.

"You think I hide away because I feel I'm _better_ than others?!" I couldn't help the disbelief creeping into my voice. Kiba didn't even seem to notice that I was acting completely out of character, if nothing else…

"Then why the hell do you hide away?!" he asked angrily. "People would think that-"

"I know perfectly well what people think, Kiba, I've heard them!" my voice had risen to a shaky, no longer controlled tone, but I couldn't care less. I felt like I was standing on the brink of a cliff, and Kiba had just pushed me over the edge…

He seemed to be momentarily put of in surprise and it was like it cooled down his anger a bit. It was far too late…

"Don't you think I've heard the way everyone whispers and talks behind me back, all the things they've called me?! Freak, bug-shit, creepy, monster, you name it, I've probably been called it!" I was trembling with anger now, feelings I had kept inside.

"Don't you think I've noticed the way people always stare at me, like I'm worthless… like I'm some sort of freak no one would even notice if disappeared?!" I reached up and pulled of my shades, for – I realized – the first time around my teammates.

Both Kiba and Hinata stared at me as I tossed them on the ground.

I was fully aware of the pain, anger and the rest of the raging sea of emotions, filling my deep, sapphire blue eyes, eyes that I had been told were very expressive. My mother used to say it was an angel's eyes, and no one knew who I had them from; both my parents and grandparents – as far as I'd been told – had brown eyes.

"Better than anyone else?! Why the hell would I feel better than anyone else, when all 'everyone else' treats me like is a freak…?"

I could feel the bugs within me buzz angrily and a vaguely worrying pain had made itself present in my chest as well as the thundering headache.

"You try walking around, getting stared at and whispered about all the time, and see if you don't feel like you have to hide...!" I tore of the outer jacket, tossing it on the ground, showing the masses of deep brown hair sticking up in all directions over my headband. I took of the black under-jacket, and it followed the same fate.

As I stood in front of my teammates, trembling, clad in pants and a green T-shirt, showing my lanky figure, pale and thin. I was too angry to feel vulnerable like I usually did.

Kiba stared at me, looking surprised and… guilty. He had cooled down, was able to see now just what he had said. He didn't know what to say, it was obvious. Hinata had tears running down her cheeks, eyes filled with sorrow and compassion. It made me feel awful, but a small, selfish voice inside me whispered that it was nice to see… that someone finally understood…

I felt my heart beating frantically against my chest and suddenly, a wave of dizziness attacked me. It could be the doing of my bugs, taking up too much chakra, but the pain in my chest told me that was not the case… at least not the whole case…

A sudden need to go, to escape from there, took me and I turned around, walking away from them.

"Shino, w-wait!" Hinata called, but I didn't stop, simply walked on, faster and faster until I was running away from the clearing, through the woods, sun shining down and licking up the bare skin of my face and arms.

It was a strange sensation.

Now that the anger had faded, I felt shocked at myself for breaking down like that. I could feel tears stinging behind my eyes, but I refused to cry. I wouldn't. Dizzy and with a growing feeling of pain and embarrassment, I ran blindly until I couldn't run anymore.

I fell to my knees beside a large tree, trying to catch my breath. I didn't know how long I had been sitting there until I heard soft foot steps approaching.

"I'm sorry, Shino…" I looked up and saw both Hinata and Kiba standing there. I met with Kiba's now regretful eyes and didn't even bother putting on the emotionless mask. It was too late for that.

Hinata walked over and before I could react, she had knelt beside me and embraced me. It shocked me to be hugged, like a normal person. The human contact felt awkward, but good. I had never been this close to anyone outside my family; no one dared.

"We don't think you're a freak, Shino," she said softly and held me tightly. Her warm voice seemed to melt the ice and even if it didn't mend, it warmed the thousands of wounds on my heart.

"You're certainly not a monster," Kiba said, sounding a bit awkward, but still sincere. He came over and sat down next to us in the grass. Akamaru came over and rubbed his nose against my forearm in a small gesture to show compassion.

I swallowed and a small, tiny, almost shy smile spread across my lips.

"Hey, man, I… I didn't mean what I said, I wasn't thinking straight… Um… friends…?" he gave a small, loop-sided smile and I nodded a bit as Hinata let go of me, sitting next to me, her hand in mine.

"Sure," I said, and I meant it. It was hard not to forgive them. For the first time in my life, I felt comfortable around someone other than my family, despite having no heavy clothing or shades to hide behind.

"You know… you're eyes are beautiful," Hinata said, catching me by surprise. I blinked and then felt a soft blush creeping onto my cheeks. I wasn't used to being complimented.

"Hah, you're blushing! Didn't know you could blush, Shino!" Kiba chuckled.

"Shut up…" I said, but I couldn't help the small smile resting on my lips still.

"It's easier to understand you when you don't hide," Kiba stated, matter-of-factly, and I was grateful that he was honest.

"It's easier to hide…" I said softly. Hinata held out my shades and I took them, but I didn't put them on. "I wonder if anyone will recognize me without these…" I mused quietly. I saw Hinata smiling at me and Kiba smiled too.

I could already picture the way people would stare at me if I showed up without the jackets and shades, but strangely… I found that I didn't care. Let them call me what they want, because I had friends to support me, after all.

Yes… I'd manage. I was sure of it.

~*~

Owari

~*~

**Hope you enjoyed the story ^.^ R&R, please! **

**~Wolfie**


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